Custom Design

Lucite and I are having a moment lately. Well, not just Lucite, but any kind of clear acrylic – it may be best known as the main component in stripper heels, but it also has many lovely modernist applications, particularly in home decor.

It also has its place in a slightly more retro aesthetic, which the Judith Leiber Streamline Frosted Lucite Clutch displays beautifully.

Not only is this bag a bit of a departure from the super-bedazzled object clutches that made the brand famous, but it’s also a little different than the ultra modern furniture that I’ve been looking at because the Lucite isn’t crystal clear. The folks at Leiber have frosted it, preventing your belongings from being obvious to anyone that might glance at your bag.

And if you’re carrying this sublime slice of Art Deco loveliness, people will definitely look. The designers edited this bag perfectly – the clear rectangular crystals at the sides are just enough to provide Leiber’s signature sparkle while still making it totally accessible to anyone that wants a little 1920s retro goodness in their lives (or wardrobes). Buy through Net-a-Porter for $2595.

Original post by Amanda Mull

You know what I really appreciate? The return of the oversized clutch. I’ve got lots of keys, a keyless-entry fob for my car and a Blackberry with a case on it, all of which have to leave the house with me no matter what. I’ve encountered a fair number of miniscule handbags that wouldn’t have fit one of those items by itself, let alone all of them together – don’t even think about adding in a lipgloss or card case.

The designers at Miu Miu know my struggle, obviously, which is why they’ve been so kind as to create the Miu Miu Oversized Sequin Clutch. Finally, I can carry a sparkly little bag that’s not actually too little to be useful.

Miu Miu did a good job of keeping the colors of this clutch neutral so that it won’t overwhelm an outfit – when a bag is this big and this shiny, also choosing a statement color would perhaps be too much for a lot of potential customers. The subtle gold, silver and green variation could go nicely with a lot of different outfits without upstaging the other elements of an ensemble. In addition to all of that, if you need your hands free for something, it has an optional strap. Sign me up, please. Buy through Net-a-Porter for $995.

Original post by Amanda Mull

This season of Project Runway feels kind of like the show used to feel before it left Bravo, doesn’t it? It’s a nice feeling – warm, familiar, safe, fabulous. We’ve had three consecutive episodes with both Princess Michael Kors AND Nina Garcia in simultaneous attendance, our designers actually have sewing skills and personalities, and Tim Gunn doesn’t look utterly terrified anymore because the producers have returned him to his natural habitat of New York City.

Another thing that felt oh-so-right about Thursday night’s show was the challenge. Not only was it the customary partner fiasco that we always get in the first few episodes, but it also satisfied the expensive dress/look for less trope that gained favor in the show’s last few season on that OTHER network. Of course, as is customary when creative people are required to work with each other, tempers flared and people got thrown under the proverbial bus. I would accept nothing less.

Our designers were promised the opportunity to “meet” some of the greatest designers of all time, but really what they meant by that was that they were going to go to The Met and look at some historic couture from the museum’s collection. Which is cool, but not exactly “meeting” anyone, and if had been one of the designers, I would have felt slightly bamboozled.

The couture was, of course, fabulous – Balenciaga, Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, the usual suspects. The Cryer said that being so close to it made her want to cry, and no one was surprised. Our group was paired off and charged with making an iconic look that would be deserving of a spot in a museum, which is kind of a lofty goal for a reality show, but, you know, let your little light shine, designers.

Tim picked the team leaders from the magical Bag-o-Choosing, and team leaders then picked their helper/partner from the remaining designers. Jesse, one of only two designers left when it was Ping’s turn to pick, had a very rational concern – that he would be stuck with Ping. Which he was! Ping seems like a nice lady, but holy crap, I’d hate to have to perform goal-oriented tasks with her. I’d probably end up making exactly the same face-punch motion that he made in Mood, if only to stop myself from actually having a rage blackout.

The internet seems to have roundly chided Jesse for his frustration with Ping, but I couldn’t help but be kind of sympathetic. He didn’t choose her, and she should be responsible for articulating her vision, collaborating effectively and doing at least a decent portion of the construction work. She doesn’t get a free pass just because she’s Ping. The real world doesn’t reward you for being a unique and beautiful snowflake, it rewards you for getting things done.

Most of the other pairings fared much, much better. The only other hint of drama was from Mila and whatever nondescript, hipstery- looking guy she was working with. Jonathan? Eh? Yeah, that was it. He seemed irritated about the amount of construction work that he did, but all of the contestants should know by now that during a partner challenge, sometimes you’re going to charge it to the game and get things done. At least Mila had a definitive direction in which they were going to go and was able to articulate it to him, even if he did more sewing. At least he didn’t have to, you know, teach her how to show (Ping, I’m looking at you).

You know what else all of the contestants should know? That when Tim Gunn gives you two days, two designers, and $500 to make an outfit, any outfit, that – GATHER ROUND, DESIGNERS! – a twist is coming. Every pair had to pick one of the other teams’ looks and make it into a “look for less” with only $50 to spend at Mood. The designers basically crapped their pants when this development was announced, but I feel like anyone that has watched this show regularly over the past few seasons saw it coming a MILE away. Don’t the designers Netflix the past seasons before they start filming?

People started panicking a bit, but most everyone kept their cool. Well, most everyone that still had it – Ping and Jesse continued to bicker and Jonathan continued to seethe that Mila wasn’t doing enough grunt work. Anthony and Seth Aaron were having disagreements as well, but their interactions with each other were so positive and friendly that you might not even have noticed it. It was the most civil, cordial partner discord in the history of Project Runway, and Anthony telling Seth Aaron to “not fight in front of company” even cracked up Tim Gunn, who I think wants to shrink Anthony and put him in his pocket for periodic amusement.

Ultimately, the looks were…mostly not terrible. I wasn’t as impressed with this challenge as I had been with the past two, but working with a partner while everyone is trying to fight for camera time is known to create some odd results (unless the team is Christian Siriano and Chris March, then it just creates 100% pure fierceness).

We had a top four instead of top three because of the partnering, and people with Serious Fashion Hair were representin’ for all of us out here with the dyed-black bobs. Maya and Jay made a sculptural, asymmetrical evening dress that didn’t win me over until Nina pointed out that the side without the neckpiece had a deep plunge – brilliant. Also, their “look for less,” as Princess Michael Kors so accurately pointed out, blew the $500 original out of the water.

Mila and Jonathan made up the other half of the top four with their proportion-and-volume skewering separates that ultimately won them the challenge (despite their blah babydoll “look for less.”) I’ve read a lot of criticism of their winning outfit, but I think that it fit the challenge really well – they weren’t charged with making a pretty dress (which is exactly what everyone else did, or tried to do), they were supposed to make something iconic, and that’s what they did. The ideas in the design were big and esoteric, and when we look back, the best fashion was almost never easy. Indeed, they may have been the only team that 100% satisfied the requirements.

Now, to the bottom, occupied this week by Seth Aaron, Anthony, Ping and Jesse. Seth Aaron and Anthony tried to do Dior better than Dior, which obviously blew up in their faces, because duh, you can’t do that. I didn’t think that the result was ugly, per se, but it was just really not much of anything. Their “look for less” was equally middling. They backed up each other and stood behind their work on the runway, though, in what might have been the most mature and loyal moment you’ll ever find on reality TV.

In rather stark contrast, we had Ping and Jesse. Don’t shoot me, but I kind of liked the weird, drape-y thing which sprang forth from Ping’s over-active imagination. At the very least, the muted, dark colors were unreasonably beautiful. If she (or Jesse) could have turned the arm-carried draping into something with a bit more structure and purpose, I don’t think they would have been in the bottom. The idea was there, but Ping doesn’t know how to edit her vision into something that works as a sellable item of clothing.

Ping and Anthony were the final two, and Heidi made sure to get in a little imitation of Anthony’s accent before the loser was announced. Between that and how needlessly rude she was to Gordana all of last season, I’m beginning to wonder if Heidi has some really ugly social class issues lurking behind that pretty face of hers. Making fun of someone’s accent is completely uncalled for, particularly when the person doing it doesn’t exactly speak without an accent of her own, although I guess hers is suitably upper class. Since she’s the one that is requiring the show to be shot in LA every other season, can’t we oust her in favor of some other model?

Anyway, enough Heidi hate. Ping got ousted, because the quirky one never lasts more than a couple of episodes. Also, she got ousted because not only her partner, but also her MODEL threw her under the bus as quickly as humanly possible. Jesse complained that he had to give her sewing lessons and that she didn’t collaborate well (it seemed like neither of them were particularly skilled in that arena), and the model (whose name I don’t know because I don’t watch that stupid model show that Lifetime came up with in order to try to suck out another half an hour of my viewership) complained that Ping never even fitted her in their “look for less.” Which may have been the case, but look, model, no one asked you.

So our beautiful butterfly Ping flitted off into the distance, free to forget her shoes without the judgmental eyes of people that just don’t get her. This show was merely not ready for. Or, maybe, she wasn’t ready for it – either/or.

Original post by Amanda Mull

This season of Project Runway feels kind of like the show used to feel before it left Bravo, doesn’t it? It’s a nice feeling – warm, familiar, safe, fabulous. We’ve had three consecutive episodes with both Princess Michael Kors AND Nina Garcia in simultaneous attendance, our designers actually have sewing skills and personalities, and Tim Gunn doesn’t look utterly terrified anymore because the producers have returned him to his natural habitat of New York City.

Another thing that felt oh-so-right about Thursday night’s show was the challenge. Not only was it the customary partner fiasco that we always get in the first few episodes, but it also satisfied the expensive dress/look for less trope that gained favor in the show’s last few season on that OTHER network. Of course, as is customary when creative people are required to work with each other, tempers flared and people got thrown under the proverbial bus. I would accept nothing less.

Our designers were promised the opportunity to “meet” some of the greatest designers of all time, but really what they meant by that was that they were going to go to The Met and look at some historic couture from the museum’s collection. Which is cool, but not exactly “meeting” anyone, and if had been one of the designers, I would have felt slightly bamboozled.

The couture was, of course, fabulous – Balenciaga, Dior, Yves Saint Laurent, the usual suspects. The Cryer said that being so close to it made her want to cry, and no one was surprised. Our group was paired off and charged with making an iconic look that would be deserving of a spot in a museum, which is kind of a lofty goal for a reality show, but, you know, let your little light shine, designers.

Tim picked the team leaders from the magical Bag-o-Choosing, and team leaders then picked their helper/partner from the remaining designers. Jesse, one of only two designers left when it was Ping’s turn to pick, had a very rational concern – that he would be stuck with Ping. Which he was! Ping seems like a nice lady, but holy crap, I’d hate to have to perform goal-oriented tasks with her. I’d probably end up making exactly the same face-punch motion that he made in Mood, if only to stop myself from actually having a rage blackout.

The internet seems to have roundly chided Jesse for his frustration with Ping, but I couldn’t help but be kind of sympathetic. He didn’t choose her, and she should be responsible for articulating her vision, collaborating effectively and doing at least a decent portion of the construction work. She doesn’t get a free pass just because she’s Ping. The real world doesn’t reward you for being a unique and beautiful snowflake, it rewards you for getting things done.

Most of the other pairings fared much, much better. The only other hint of drama was from Mila and whatever nondescript, hipstery- looking guy she was working with. Jonathan? Eh? Yeah, that was it. He seemed irritated about the amount of construction work that he did, but all of the contestants should know by now that during a partner challenge, sometimes you’re going to charge it to the game and get things done. At least Mila had a definitive direction in which they were going to go and was able to articulate it to him, even if he did more sewing. At least he didn’t have to, you know, teach her how to show (Ping, I’m looking at you).

You know what else all of the contestants should know? That when Tim Gunn gives you two days, two designers, and $500 to make an outfit, any outfit, that – GATHER ROUND, DESIGNERS! – a twist is coming. Every pair had to pick one of the other teams’ looks and make it into a “look for less” with only $50 to spend at Mood. The designers basically crapped their pants when this development was announced, but I feel like anyone that has watched this show regularly over the past few seasons saw it coming a MILE away. Don’t the designers Netflix the past seasons before they start filming?

People started panicking a bit, but most everyone kept their cool. Well, most everyone that still had it – Ping and Jesse continued to bicker and Jonathan continued to seethe that Mila wasn’t doing enough grunt work. Anthony and Seth Aaron were having disagreements as well, but their interactions with each other were so positive and friendly that you might not even have noticed it. It was the most civil, cordial partner discord in the history of Project Runway, and Anthony telling Seth Aaron to “not fight in front of company” even cracked up Tim Gunn, who I think wants to shrink Anthony and put him in his pocket for periodic amusement.

Ultimately, the looks were…mostly not terrible. I wasn’t as impressed with this challenge as I had been with the past two, but working with a partner while everyone is trying to fight for camera time is known to create some odd results (unless the team is Christian Siriano and Chris March, then it just creates 100% pure fierceness).

We had a top four instead of top three because of the partnering, and people with Serious Fashion Hair were representin’ for all of us out here with the dyed-black bobs. Maya and Jay made a sculptural, asymmetrical evening dress that didn’t win me over until Nina pointed out that the side without the neckpiece had a deep plunge – brilliant. Also, their “look for less,” as Princess Michael Kors so accurately pointed out, blew the $500 original out of the water.

Mila and Jonathan made up the other half of the top four with their proportion-and-volume skewering separates that ultimately won them the challenge (despite their blah babydoll “look for less.”) I’ve read a lot of criticism of their winning outfit, but I think that it fit the challenge really well – they weren’t charged with making a pretty dress (which is exactly what everyone else did, or tried to do), they were supposed to make something iconic, and that’s what they did. The ideas in the design were big and esoteric, and when we look back, the best fashion was almost never easy. Indeed, they may have been the only team that 100% satisfied the requirements.

Now, to the bottom, occupied this week by Seth Aaron, Anthony, Ping and Jesse. Seth Aaron and Anthony tried to do Dior better than Dior, which obviously blew up in their faces, because duh, you can’t do that. I didn’t think that the result was ugly, per se, but it was just really not much of anything. Their “look for less” was equally middling. They backed up each other and stood behind their work on the runway, though, in what might have been the most mature and loyal moment you’ll ever find on reality TV.

In rather stark contrast, we had Ping and Jesse. Don’t shoot me, but I kind of liked the weird, drape-y thing which sprang forth from Ping’s over-active imagination. At the very least, the muted, dark colors were unreasonably beautiful. If she (or Jesse) could have turned the arm-carried draping into something with a bit more structure and purpose, I don’t think they would have been in the bottom. The idea was there, but Ping doesn’t know how to edit her vision into something that works as a sellable item of clothing.

Ping and Anthony were the final two, and Heidi made sure to get in a little imitation of Anthony’s accent before the loser was announced. Between that and how needlessly rude she was to Gordana all of last season, I’m beginning to wonder if Heidi has some really ugly social class issues lurking behind that pretty face of hers. Making fun of someone’s accent is completely uncalled for, particularly when the person doing it doesn’t exactly speak without an accent of her own, although I guess hers is suitably upper class. Since she’s the one that is requiring the show to be shot in LA every other season, can’t we oust her in favor of some other model?

Anyway, enough Heidi hate. Ping got ousted, because the quirky one never lasts more than a couple of episodes. Also, she got ousted because not only her partner, but also her MODEL threw her under the bus as quickly as humanly possible. Jesse complained that he had to give her sewing lessons and that she didn’t collaborate well (it seemed like neither of them were particularly skilled in that arena), and the model (whose name I don’t know because I don’t watch that stupid model show that Lifetime came up with in order to try to suck out another half an hour of my viewership) complained that Ping never even fitted her in their “look for less.” Which may have been the case, but look, model, no one asked you.

So our beautiful butterfly Ping flitted off into the distance, free to forget her shoes without the judgmental eyes of people that just don’t get her. This show was merely not ready for. Or, maybe, she wasn’t ready for it – either/or.

Original post by Amanda Mull

So, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that this episode finally wasn’t full of filler. Some stuff actually hit the fan, which is what we’ve all been waiting for (yes, that was a Royal We right there). We don’t watch The Real Housewives of Orange County for the avant garde fashion choices, after all.

The bad news is that it was all of Lynn’s uncomfortable family issues that hit said fan, which made my skin crawl for approximately 45 minutes of the hour-long episode. I like this whole car-crash of a show a lot better when consenting adults are the only victims, and I also like it a lot better when it doesn’t subject me to a caterwauling drunk woman who is somehow still smiling because of how tight her stupid facelift is. That is a combination of annoying and creepy that I’d rather not have in my Thursday night.

As always, let’s talk about the housewives that weren’t directly involved in the meat of tonight’s show.

Vicki, obviously, was working during the majority of the episode so she wasn’t there during the final fireworks, but we did see a bit of her. First, she was on another of her dates with Don, who surprised her with a big ol’ ring and then wiped some bird poop of their server’s head. Don is easily the least terrible person on this entire show (he may be the least terrible person in the entirety of Bravo’s Housewives universe), and the fact that he seems to genuinely like Vicki makes me wonder if she’s not as bad in real life as she is on the show. I shudder to think what other reason he would have for staying with her.

Before she disappeared back to her office for the rest of the episode, she managed to redeem the botulism-and-orange-chemicals “party” that she had for her employees last week ever so slightly by bringing in a financial planner and providing lunch for her younger employees (and both of her kids). That’s actually a decently nice thing to do. I wish someone would teach me some of that stuff. More specifically, I wish someone would teach me how in the world I’m supposed to do my freelance taxes. If this were to be a Twitter trending topic, I would tag it #ThingsTheyShouldaTaughtMeInJournalismSchool. Just sayin’.

Ahem. Anyway.

Although Tamra was present at the night’s trainwreck, she mostly just sat there with a excrement-eating (I’m not allowed to cuss on here – hello, advertisers! – so just fill it in mentally) grin on her face the entire time, happy that she wasn’t involved in the fight. Previous to that, we saw her and Beta Douche Simon cleaning out their garage in anticipation of selling their house before the bank foreclosed on it. Tamra took the opportunity to tell us that things were fine, just FINE, between her and Simon, which is silly, considering that we’ve already read the ending to that book, so to speak.

Gretchen played an integral part in Lynn’s eventual meltdown, but she also rode around on her motorcycle for part of the episode and showed off some makeup that is apparently a part of her new line, Gretchen Christine Beauté. Yeah, with the pretentious ‘e’ and everything. If there’s one thing I really don’t need in my life, it’s eyeshadow endorsed by a housewife who always looks like she puts her makeup on with a trowel.

And then there was Alexis, who facilitated the whole meltdown by throwing a boozy party in the middle of the day, to which she invited several women that hate each other in various ways. She did it under the guise of peacemaking, which is adorable. Absolutely precious. No one ever resolves anything on Real Housewives – if they did, we wouldn’t have a show. Plus, they all know that they don’t get any camera time if they’re not beefing with someone, and these people need camera time like the rest of us need food, water and shelter.

Before we talk about what went on at the party, however, we have to talk about the spectacular parenting FAIL that Lynn had beforehand. She took her daughter to the mall to talk to her, because apparently no one in Orange County is able to communicate with anyone else if they’re not both engaged in an activity that involves boozing, tanning or shopping. They’re almost like the Jersey Shore kids, but not as ironically lovable. While in the car on the way there, her teenager told her that she was hung over, a fact which did not seem to trouble Lynn at all.

Once inside, Lynn tried to engage in a Serious Discussion at the mall, but Alexa was not interested in participating in said discussion. She chose to display her distaste in her mother’s timing by doing the most mature thing she could think of, which happened to be calling her mother a witch-with-a-b and throwing Lynn’s cuff down on the table.

Instead of doing what my mother (and presumably, most mothers everywhere) would have done and dragging her little ingrate of a daughter out of the mall by her hair, Lynn sat there with a creepy smile on her face (presumably because her facelift does not allow her to make other facial expressions) and tried to use her words to express to her daughter how sad she was to see that she was disrespecting her cuff. Alexa very plainly tried to tell her that if Lynn forced her to abide by her punishments, then she might act right every now and then, but the sentiment didn’t seem to penetrate Lynn’s leather-like face. She just cradled her poor cuff and mentally frowned. But not physically, because she can’t.

After seeing that interaction, I can no longer bring myself to fault Gretchen for anything she’s said or done toward Lynn and Alexa in the past few episodes. In fact, when they played back some of the clips, it was obvious that Gretchen made it very clear that she was just trying to give Alexa an outlet and make her feel heard, since most teenagers have a hard time talking to their parents. Doubly so for Alexa, since I’m not sure that Lynn has entirely mastered the English language.

Considering all of that, things were definitely not going well when it came time for Lynn to sit down with the other women (minus Vicki) for a drunken lunch at Alexis’s place. As soon as Gretchen asked how Alexa was doing, things careened out of control so quickly that I can’t even entirely remember how Lynn, who appeared to be both drunk and possibly on some pills (she accused Gretchen of slipping something in her drink on Watch What Happens Live, although she pretty much always seems high to me), went from making inappropriate jokes about Kegel exercises and her husband’s manbits to wailing about how hard it is to live in the OC, where sixteen-year-olds get BMWs.

Listen, Lynn. Orange County is not the only place on the face of the planet where parents try to live vicariously through their kids by buying them expensive cars – it happened where I grew up, and I’m fairly sure that it happens in the chichi suburbs of every major city in America. It’s also not any semblance of an excuse for not actually parenting them, or for giving up on them when they get into their teens.

Although she began her little scene by repeating how hard she tries to be a good mother, she eventually started talking about Orange County expectations, and that’s where she lost my support. It seemed entirely as though she was lamenting her own lot in the world – her crappy facelift, her fake tan, the hours she spends at the gym that aren’t making her any younger, the house that she’s about to get kicked out of on next week’s episode because she has no skills and never thought to save a dollar in her life. When she spends so much time thinking about all the things she has to do in order to keep up with her own ego, how can we possibly expect her to take the time to deal with anything else, much less something so exhausting as an unruly teenager that seems to desperately want someone to ground her? And then actually stick around to make sure she stays home? Clearly Lynn doesn’t have the time for that in the middle of busy aesthetics schedule.

It was pathetic and sad and thinking about it still makes my skin crawl. I can’t write funny little jokes about this stuff. This woman needs to get off my television, get out of her plastic surgeon’s office, and do something about her family. You know, besides just getting defensive when an adult that has made some mistakes in her life offers to help her stop her daughter from making the same ones. Anyone care to guess what attention-starved, attractive teenage girls with clueless, absentee parents do in their spare time? I shudder to think, but perhaps Lynn should ponder it for a while.

I don’t want to end my last post of the week on such a sour note, but there was absolutely nothing bright or cheery or not soul-crushingly awful about this episode of Real Housewives. So, instead, here’s a cute puppy video:

Original post by Amanda Mull

So, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that this episode finally wasn’t full of filler. Some stuff actually hit the fan, which is what we’ve all been waiting for (yes, that was a Royal We right there). We don’t watch The Real Housewives of Orange County for the avant garde fashion choices, after all.

The bad news is that it was all of Lynn’s uncomfortable family issues that hit said fan, which made my skin crawl for approximately 45 minutes of the hour-long episode. I like this whole car-crash of a show a lot better when consenting adults are the only victims, and I also like it a lot better when it doesn’t subject me to a caterwauling drunk woman who is somehow still smiling because of how tight her stupid facelift is. That is a combination of annoying and creepy that I’d rather not have in my Thursday night.

As always, let’s talk about the housewives that weren’t directly involved in the meat of tonight’s show.

Vicki, obviously, was working during the majority of the episode so she wasn’t there during the final fireworks, but we did see a bit of her. First, she was on another of her dates with Don, who surprised her with a big ol’ ring and then wiped some bird poop of their server’s head. Don is easily the least terrible person on this entire show (he may be the least terrible person in the entirety of Bravo’s Housewives universe), and the fact that he seems to genuinely like Vicki makes me wonder if she’s not as bad in real life as she is on the show. I shudder to think what other reason he would have for staying with her.

Before she disappeared back to her office for the rest of the episode, she managed to redeem the botulism-and-orange-chemicals “party” that she had for her employees last week ever so slightly by bringing in a financial planner and providing lunch for her younger employees (and both of her kids). That’s actually a decently nice thing to do. I wish someone would teach me some of that stuff. More specifically, I wish someone would teach me how in the world I’m supposed to do my freelance taxes. If this were to be a Twitter trending topic, I would tag it #ThingsTheyShouldaTaughtMeInJournalismSchool. Just sayin’.

Ahem. Anyway.

Although Tamra was present at the night’s trainwreck, she mostly just sat there with a excrement-eating (I’m not allowed to cuss on here – hello, advertisers! – so just fill it in mentally) grin on her face the entire time, happy that she wasn’t involved in the fight. Previous to that, we saw her and Beta Douche Simon cleaning out their garage in anticipation of selling their house before the bank foreclosed on it. Tamra took the opportunity to tell us that things were fine, just FINE, between her and Simon, which is silly, considering that we’ve already read the ending to that book, so to speak.

Gretchen played an integral part in Lynn’s eventual meltdown, but she also rode around on her motorcycle for part of the episode and showed off some makeup that is apparently a part of her new line, Gretchen Christine Beauté. Yeah, with the pretentious ‘e’ and everything. If there’s one thing I really don’t need in my life, it’s eyeshadow endorsed by a housewife who always looks like she puts her makeup on with a trowel.

And then there was Alexis, who facilitated the whole meltdown by throwing a boozy party in the middle of the day, to which she invited several women that hate each other in various ways. She did it under the guise of peacemaking, which is adorable. Absolutely precious. No one ever resolves anything on Real Housewives – if they did, we wouldn’t have a show. Plus, they all know that they don’t get any camera time if they’re not beefing with someone, and these people need camera time like the rest of us need food, water and shelter.

Before we talk about what went on at the party, however, we have to talk about the spectacular parenting FAIL that Lynn had beforehand. She took her daughter to the mall to talk to her, because apparently no one in Orange County is able to communicate with anyone else if they’re not both engaged in an activity that involves boozing, tanning or shopping. They’re almost like the Jersey Shore kids, but not as ironically lovable. While in the car on the way there, her teenager told her that she was hung over, a fact which did not seem to trouble Lynn at all.

Once inside, Lynn tried to engage in a Serious Discussion at the mall, but Alexa was not interested in participating in said discussion. She chose to display her distaste in her mother’s timing by doing the most mature thing she could think of, which happened to be calling her mother a witch-with-a-b and throwing Lynn’s cuff down on the table.

Instead of doing what my mother (and presumably, most mothers everywhere) would have done and dragging her little ingrate of a daughter out of the mall by her hair, Lynn sat there with a creepy smile on her face (presumably because her facelift does not allow her to make other facial expressions) and tried to use her words to express to her daughter how sad she was to see that she was disrespecting her cuff. Alexa very plainly tried to tell her that if Lynn forced her to abide by her punishments, then she might act right every now and then, but the sentiment didn’t seem to penetrate Lynn’s leather-like face. She just cradled her poor cuff and mentally frowned. But not physically, because she can’t.

After seeing that interaction, I can no longer bring myself to fault Gretchen for anything she’s said or done toward Lynn and Alexa in the past few episodes. In fact, when they played back some of the clips, it was obvious that Gretchen made it very clear that she was just trying to give Alexa an outlet and make her feel heard, since most teenagers have a hard time talking to their parents. Doubly so for Alexa, since I’m not sure that Lynn has entirely mastered the English language.

Considering all of that, things were definitely not going well when it came time for Lynn to sit down with the other women (minus Vicki) for a drunken lunch at Alexis’s place. As soon as Gretchen asked how Alexa was doing, things careened out of control so quickly that I can’t even entirely remember how Lynn, who appeared to be both drunk and possibly on some pills (she accused Gretchen of slipping something in her drink on Watch What Happens Live, although she pretty much always seems high to me), went from making inappropriate jokes about Kegel exercises and her husband’s manbits to wailing about how hard it is to live in the OC, where sixteen-year-olds get BMWs.

Listen, Lynn. Orange County is not the only place on the face of the planet where parents try to live vicariously through their kids by buying them expensive cars – it happened where I grew up, and I’m fairly sure that it happens in the chichi suburbs of every major city in America. It’s also not any semblance of an excuse for not actually parenting them, or for giving up on them when they get into their teens.

Although she began her little scene by repeating how hard she tries to be a good mother, she eventually started talking about Orange County expectations, and that’s where she lost my support. It seemed entirely as though she was lamenting her own lot in the world – her crappy facelift, her fake tan, the hours she spends at the gym that aren’t making her any younger, the house that she’s about to get kicked out of on next week’s episode because she has no skills and never thought to save a dollar in her life. When she spends so much time thinking about all the things she has to do in order to keep up with her own ego, how can we possibly expect her to take the time to deal with anything else, much less something so exhausting as an unruly teenager that seems to desperately want someone to ground her? And then actually stick around to make sure she stays home? Clearly Lynn doesn’t have the time for that in the middle of busy aesthetics schedule.

It was pathetic and sad and thinking about it still makes my skin crawl. I can’t write funny little jokes about this stuff. This woman needs to get off my television, get out of her plastic surgeon’s office, and do something about her family. You know, besides just getting defensive when an adult that has made some mistakes in her life offers to help her stop her daughter from making the same ones. Anyone care to guess what attention-starved, attractive teenage girls with clueless, absentee parents do in their spare time? I shudder to think, but perhaps Lynn should ponder it for a while.

I don’t want to end my last post of the week on such a sour note, but there was absolutely nothing bright or cheery or not soul-crushingly awful about this episode of Real Housewives. So, instead, here’s a cute puppy video:

Original post by Amanda Mull

I’m ready to make a proclamation. I’ve thought a lot about it, and I’ve had enough time to come to the correct conclusion. Ladies and gentlemen, PurseBloggers worldwide, Project Runway Season 7 has already, in the span of two episodes, proven itself to be head and shoulders above the maddeningly somnolent dreck that we (un)affectionately referred to as Season 6.

In this week’s episode, we had a challenge that used non-traditional fabrics combined with a challenge where the models were the clients, both of which are almost always a problem even when NOT combined into a single feat of reality television. In the face of odds that would have been insurmountable for last season’s cast, not only did this set of designers, only a week into their lady-vitamin-sponsored Lifetime adventure, not break, but they didn’t even bend! The worst of the designers still produced wearable dresses. Well, Ping didn’t, but she also didn’t go home, either. Make of that what you will.

The designers were escorted out to the New Yorkiest of New York locations for their new challenge – why, it was a farm, of course! That’s just so obvious! Somehow, Tim Gunn managed to look even more uncomfortable doling out this week’s challenge while faced with all that greenery and soil and nature than he did during his unfortunate stay in Los Angeles, and what can I say, that’s why I love him.

He charged them with the task of making dresses for an “industry party” out of potato sacks, since in theory, their models should be beautiful enough to wear such things. Thankfully, potato sacks are made of actual fabric, and it’s fairly light-colored, so a little ingenuity eventually spun itself into some cute cocktail wear.

I still have a gripe with this challenge, however. I am of the firm belief that everyone couldn’t really care less what the models want, including the judges, so why even include that stipulation? The only thing that I can think of would be to see who fell into the unfortunate trope of actually trying to please their model, which is the last thing you should ever worry about doing in a challenge like this. If the dress is good, no one asks the models if they like it. The only time it ever happens is if it’s bad, and if it is, even if it’s exactly what she asked for, then your model isn’t going to convincingly say that she likes it anyway.

There is literally nothing to be gained by listening to what the models want, and since this show has been on the air for years, it seems like everyone has finally figured that out. Those designers that didn’t have the confidence to make the choice on their own were ever-so-gently prodded in that direction by Tim Gunn, and the runway show was all the better for it.

In fact, the majority of what was on the runway was downright beautiful to the point where I couldn’t even guess what was going to be in the top three. I really loved all three looks that were chosen – Amy’s flouncy, organic-looking frock was unexpected and fun, Mila’s sleek, club-appropriate dress was so cool that it hurt, and Jay somehow managed to negative the objective reality of burlap and turn it into marabou, but in the most tasteful way that you can imagine. Surprisingly, I would also have put Anthony’s dark pink number toward the top of the pile for the draping at the bottom alone.

As Heidi would remind us, however, we can only have one winner. This time, it was Jay’s feathered, drop-waist black cocktail dress that took home the immunity prize, which kind of sounds like something you get at the college health center. It was my least favorite of the top three, but they were all so good that I have no problem with any of them winning.

Of course, there’s also the unpleasant business of the bottom three. First, there was Ping, who turned a potato sack into a dress that still pretty much looked like a potato sack, except it also had the added feature of exposing her model’s butt cheeks to anyone that might look. She claimed to not understand the challenge and think that the models were going to a potato industry party, but seemed far more savvy than that when Tim Gunn was advising her in the workroom. She lived to design another day, probably because the judges merely cannot make head nor tails of her yet.

Then there was Jesus, who was in the bottom three for the second straight challenge. I didn’t abhor his dress quite as thoroughly as the judges seemed to, but his desire to cover the entirety of the burlap with ribbon was sure to infuriate everyone. Tim warned him of that very fact, but Jesus thinks he knows everything, so he did it anyway and then was promptly penalized for it. This should be the second Universal Law of Project Runway, right after “don’t ever listen to your model” – when you have an “alternative fabric” challenge in front of you, don’t hide the alternative fabric under normal stuff. It enrages Nina. Also, you’re missing the point.

But, the fact that I’m starting to hate him wasn’t enough to propel Jesus out of the competition. Instead, it was Old Lady Pamela, who actually seemed much nicer in this episode than she did in the last one, although her outfit was even more atrocious. A few days ago, I read her losing dress described as “Ralph Lauren for Wal-Mart,” and I’m not even going to try to improve on that stunningly apt observation. The dress made her model look enormous compared to her lithe compatriots, and it appeared to lace up the back with that terrible suede string that you find on kids’ “cowboys and indians” playtime costumes.

Despite the fact that her pink dress from last week didn’t make it in the bottom three, I hated it as well, so it’s just as well that she’s gone this week. Jesus, who is shaping up to be this season’s Mitchell, will hopefully be dispatched soon. Along with whoever made that hideous pants-and-vest outfit. It made me dry heave a little bit.

Original post by Amanda Mull

I’m ready to make a proclamation. I’ve thought a lot about it, and I’ve had enough time to come to the correct conclusion. Ladies and gentlemen, PurseBloggers worldwide, Project Runway Season 7 has already, in the span of two episodes, proven itself to be head and shoulders above the maddeningly somnolent dreck that we (un)affectionately referred to as Season 6.

In this week’s episode, we had a challenge that used non-traditional fabrics combined with a challenge where the models were the clients, both of which are almost always a problem even when NOT combined into a single feat of reality television. In the face of odds that would have been insurmountable for last season’s cast, not only did this set of designers, only a week into their lady-vitamin-sponsored Lifetime adventure, not break, but they didn’t even bend! The worst of the designers still produced wearable dresses. Well, Ping didn’t, but she also didn’t go home, either. Make of that what you will.

The designers were escorted out to the New Yorkiest of New York locations for their new challenge – why, it was a farm, of course! That’s just so obvious! Somehow, Tim Gunn managed to look even more uncomfortable doling out this week’s challenge while faced with all that greenery and soil and nature than he did during his unfortunate stay in Los Angeles, and what can I say, that’s why I love him.

He charged them with the task of making dresses for an “industry party” out of potato sacks, since in theory, their models should be beautiful enough to wear such things. Thankfully, potato sacks are made of actual fabric, and it’s fairly light-colored, so a little ingenuity eventually spun itself into some cute cocktail wear.

I still have a gripe with this challenge, however. I am of the firm belief that everyone couldn’t really care less what the models want, including the judges, so why even include that stipulation? The only thing that I can think of would be to see who fell into the unfortunate trope of actually trying to please their model, which is the last thing you should ever worry about doing in a challenge like this. If the dress is good, no one asks the models if they like it. The only time it ever happens is if it’s bad, and if it is, even if it’s exactly what she asked for, then your model isn’t going to convincingly say that she likes it anyway.

There is literally nothing to be gained by listening to what the models want, and since this show has been on the air for years, it seems like everyone has finally figured that out. Those designers that didn’t have the confidence to make the choice on their own were ever-so-gently prodded in that direction by Tim Gunn, and the runway show was all the better for it.

In fact, the majority of what was on the runway was downright beautiful to the point where I couldn’t even guess what was going to be in the top three. I really loved all three looks that were chosen – Amy’s flouncy, organic-looking frock was unexpected and fun, Mila’s sleek, club-appropriate dress was so cool that it hurt, and Jay somehow managed to negative the objective reality of burlap and turn it into marabou, but in the most tasteful way that you can imagine. Surprisingly, I would also have put Anthony’s dark pink number toward the top of the pile for the draping at the bottom alone.

As Heidi would remind us, however, we can only have one winner. This time, it was Jay’s feathered, drop-waist black cocktail dress that took home the immunity prize, which kind of sounds like something you get at the college health center. It was my least favorite of the top three, but they were all so good that I have no problem with any of them winning.

Of course, there’s also the unpleasant business of the bottom three. First, there was Ping, who turned a potato sack into a dress that still pretty much looked like a potato sack, except it also had the added feature of exposing her model’s butt cheeks to anyone that might look. She claimed to not understand the challenge and think that the models were going to a potato industry party, but seemed far more savvy than that when Tim Gunn was advising her in the workroom. She lived to design another day, probably because the judges merely cannot make head nor tails of her yet.

Then there was Jesus, who was in the bottom three for the second straight challenge. I didn’t abhor his dress quite as thoroughly as the judges seemed to, but his desire to cover the entirety of the burlap with ribbon was sure to infuriate everyone. Tim warned him of that very fact, but Jesus thinks he knows everything, so he did it anyway and then was promptly penalized for it. This should be the second Universal Law of Project Runway, right after “don’t ever listen to your model” – when you have an “alternative fabric” challenge in front of you, don’t hide the alternative fabric under normal stuff. It enrages Nina. Also, you’re missing the point.

But, the fact that I’m starting to hate him wasn’t enough to propel Jesus out of the competition. Instead, it was Old Lady Pamela, who actually seemed much nicer in this episode than she did in the last one, although her outfit was even more atrocious. A few days ago, I read her losing dress described as “Ralph Lauren for Wal-Mart,” and I’m not even going to try to improve on that stunningly apt observation. The dress made her model look enormous compared to her lithe compatriots, and it appeared to lace up the back with that terrible suede string that you find on kids’ “cowboys and indians” playtime costumes.

Despite the fact that her pink dress from last week didn’t make it in the bottom three, I hated it as well, so it’s just as well that she’s gone this week. Jesus, who is shaping up to be this season’s Mitchell, will hopefully be dispatched soon. Along with whoever made that hideous pants-and-vest outfit. It made me dry heave a little bit.

Original post by Amanda Mull

Another episode of Real Housewives of Orange County, another hour of mostly filler where nothing awesome happened except an almost-fight. Maybe I’ve been spoiled by the table-flipping and wig-tugging of, as Ludacris would say, the hoes in other area codes, but all we saw last night was a tupperware party, some family problems with minor children that should have been private, an awkward office tanning party and a day at the races where everyone was more concerned with their big hats than the horses.

So, when is Lynn going to get kicked out of her house? When are we going to see the epic Alexa-Vicki smackdown that we were promised in the preseason previews? This season only has, at most, five more episodes (but likely four more and a two-part reunion), and I’m not even sure that Vicki and Alexis have met each other yet. These Housewives have phoned in this season thus far, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to phone in the recap.

Our first two plot points in this episode were fairly stereotypical for housewives: First, Tamra and Alexis played a flailing, exasperated game of tennis and then sat in the shade (being near trees made them feeling like they were in Manhattan, apparently, which makes me think that neither of them have ever seen New York City or trees) and talked some smack about Gretchen for reasons that I can’t entirely remember and that aren’t important anyway. In a fit of normalcy, Alexis wore something that covered her giant boobs.

One thing that they did talk about after the tennis match was the second stereotypical plot point, the upcoming tupperware party at Gretchen’s house. Tamra insisted she wouldn’t go to because she doesn’t like Gretchen’s blogging. Ok, whatever. As if anything Gretchen said about Tamra is worse than what Tamra continues to say about her every week on the show. Self-righteous indignation doesn’t fit her very well. Can they just agree that they’re both kind of crappy people and move on?

Gretchen wasn’t the only housewife that sat out – Vicki also didn’t show up, because apparently she works 24 hours a day, and also she had to fit in time to have aestheticians come and spray-tan and Botox everyone at her office, in an effort to give them some kind of reward that didn’t really seem like much of a reward to me. Particularly for the guy that had to strip down to his underwear and have it done on national TV. That’s got to violate some kind of OSHA rule, right?

Although, I have to admit, I use the “I can’t come, I have to work!” hooey to get out of going to stuff all the time. No one I know understands what exactly it is I do all day or knows my schedule, so it’s pretty easy. Since none of the other housewives appear to have held any sort of gainful employment in the last ten years, Vicki probably still has them all confused about what it is that she actually does, or when she actually does it. If I was invited to a tupperware party, I would “have to work” too.

Too bad for Vicki, though, since she missed the best fireworks since the season’s first episode. First, there was tequila. That’s a respectable way to get any party started, right? Then, when everyone was good and liquored up, they brought out the drag queen. Her name was Kay Sedia (say it fast a few times), and she was a Tijuana-bred international fashion model that also sold tupperware in her spare time. Everyone, including the straight guys at the party, seemed to think that this was all in good fun. Except Alpha Douche Jim.

Only men that are deeply uncomfortable with their sexuality are unnerved by drag queens. Of course, only men that are deeply uncomfortable with their sexuality need to make sure that they have the hottest wife in town and constantly parade her around in the tiniest outfits possible. Maybe Alpha Douche Jim has something to tell all of us.

In another colossal display of insecurity, this time coming from the other side of Mr. and Mrs. Alpha Douche, Alexis made a public scene and was about to throw some bows on some poor little brunette woman that had the nerve to speak to her husband. First, I think it’s a little presumptuous of Alexis to assume that anyone would want to hit on him without at least seeing some ATM receipts. Hello, I doubt Alexis banged him without running a credit check first. The man is so slimy that he probably leaves a trail when he moves, and random women don’t risk life and limb to hit on that at a party when the guy’s wife is also present.

Second, I hate hate hate it when women blame other women for inappropriate behavior without holding their men responsible. Not only did we not see any proof of inappropriate behavior of any kind (and if the room was full of cameras, wouldn’t we have seen it?), but if Alexis thought that Alpha Douche Jim was entertaining the (nonexistent) advances of another woman and not trying to remove himself from the situation, isn’t that cause to be mad at him? I mean, he said the vows and everything, right? Wouldn’t Jesus be really disappointed in him? Shouldn’t she remind him of how he’s disappointing Jesus?!?!

Instead, she fully realized the hysterical woman stereotype in front of everyone, and her husband had to extract her from the party, lest she rip that woman’s face off for the crime of leaning on her husband’s chair. When Gretchen later asked Alpha Douche if her friend had actually been flirting with him, he couldn’t even look her in the eye when he hesitated and said “maybe a little flirty.” Doesn’t surprise me that he’s not a good liar – he’s not confident enough. After all, Jim is too insecure to allow Alexis out of his sight. Alexis returns the favor by being too insecure to remain composed when Jim speaks to another woman. Their relationship sucks all of the air out of the room.

After making a scene at her party, Mr. and Mrs. Alpha Douche decided to smooth things over by going to a horse race with Gretchen and Slade, during which I think I actually might have nodded off a little bit. They talked about Tamra a little bit, and about having Alexis play mediator, and then about their hats. Moving on.

The only person left to talk about is Lynn, and by extension, her train-wreck of a family. I wish I didn’t have to because the whole thing makes me kind of sick to my stomach, but this is what they pay me for. Lynn continued to be a spectacular failure as a parent by grounding her daughter Alexa and then doing absolutely nothing to enforce it or to punish her when she flagrantly disobeyed. Then she set up an appointment with that teen-whisperer lady from a few episodes ago, and Alexa didn’t bother to show up. Then Alexa cried about how she felt like she was the bad guy.

It was all just kind of gross and unpleasant to watch, because Alexa is, what, 16? 17? If that? It’s not her fault that her parents both seem like they’re functionally illiterate and incapable of parenting her. She didn’t ask for that, and she also didn’t ask to have her teen growing pains broadcast on TV for people like me to pick apart. She doesn’t seem like the ideal kid, but I think basically all of that blame has to go to Lynn and her husband – if Alexa thinks that negotiating with her parents after she completely disregarded her grounding is a reasonable expectation, it’s only because they’re the ones that have made her think that.

If I had been grounded as a teenager and left my house anyway, and my parents had found out where I was (as Alexa’s did), they would have marched straight down there, embarrassed the crap out of me, and dragged me to the car. I was fully aware of that, and that’s why I behaved myself. Alexa made a very salient point about her parents in all of this – she’s going to push them until they do something to her, and she’s yet to find the point at which they will. I shudder to think what that point may be, but she’s completely right. Perhaps if Lynn wasn’t so distracted by shiny objects and her own aging body, her kid would have a chance. Now? Unlikely.

In an effort to end this on not such a sour note, did anyone notice Gretchen’s TurboTax commercial in the middle of the show? If you’re trying to convince America that your software is idiot proof, I guess the best way to do that is to show one of the Real Housewives using it. I was dubious at first, but on reflection, the whole thing seems surprisingly brilliant.

Original post by Amanda Mull